This ‘decorative ensemble’, gifted to me by a Salvo store-scouring friend, was just what I needed for Christmas! No, it actually was – I don’t have cake forks, you see, or a cake knife, or a tray that lists the calories of ingestible things such as balogna and whiskey and lemon (22 calories, oh god I better cut down on them). They don’t bother with the number of calories on the picture of cupcakes, here they just state ‘DANGER!’ Still in its box and prim packaging, this thing must be older than me, by at least a decade. I almost don’t want to unwrap it. But I would like to make a cake today, so those forks might come in handy.